The Secret of Trebond
by Jaelawyn Noble
Summary: What Alanna and Thom's childhood REALLY was like
1. Prolouge

The Secret Of Trebond

© 2001  
Jaelawyn Noble [ Jaelawyn@attbi.com ]

Disclaimer: Love 'em, don't own 'em  
Pairing: Alanna + George  
Warnings: DDA, suicide, abuse  
Rating: R  
Notes: Read the Prologue

~~

Yea, people… I know. Lord Alan was the bookish type—not the abusing type. Well… This is just a random fic by me… I have been toying with this idea for a while. So, be nice! I wrote this listening to Slainte's music. It's Celtic music, and very enjoyable.

Alanna's about 6 or 7 in the flashbacks. Uhm…. The present time is like… DIRECTLY after _First Test_, the first few pages. Like, when Alanna's home after the whole fight thingy. Also, it's because I feel Alanna has absolutely NO frickin' idea who she is. After all, Jon DID interrupt her identity search with that marriage proposal! Also, Thom—Brother, not son—may seen different. After all, Alanna said he was different than she remember, and we only got a slight glimpse of him in the beginning and from Alanna's telling of her bro! ^_~

Now, I know a lot of you are gonna flame me for making Alanna seem so unhappy and depressed and suicidal.... Well... That's the past. And let me ask you something, as this fic is to make people think, even if is like a splash of freezing cold water, who _doesn't_ have the idea to end their terrible, miserable life?

After all, teenagers have more on their plates than Adults. We're in that awkward stage/social limbo where the slightest misstep with our make up or clothes sends us into a social void. Then again, all us "book worms" are social outcasts, no? ^_~ Hehe... Most of you know what little Miss Sorceress Angel of Death is saying, no? hehe...

By the way, I have no brother. I haven't lost anyone, haven't killed anyone [HAHA! Yeah, go cower in fear... ^_~], and I haven't experienced any true pain except from my mental and emotional turmoil. If you wonder how I can write these dark words full of pain and suffering, it's not from personal experience. Its from the depths of my soul, from the depths of my mind, and from my heart. I always write from the heart....

So, that's my Author's Note. And now for the slight Prologue....

* * *

Alanna looked out at the pouring rains that slashed the night sky. It was coming down in sheets, lightning lighting up the sky and thunder rolling. The room was lit comfortably to her--lit, but dully lit. The fire roared out and cackled, shoving light into the near twilight of the room. The firelight played cheerfully around the room, but didn't touch Alanna in the far corner of the room.

She stood there, looking at the rain pouring down in a dress of black and violet. Her mouth was colored scarlet, hey eyelids colored dark gray. She had the barest tint of color on her cheeks, but it was only from the heat in the room, and the flush of pain.

Thunder crashed and lightning struck somewhere outside. Alanna looked up, eyes sad. Her face shinned with the tears that she had already shed those few moments ago. No one was in the study, no one would come. The children were all asleep, in their beds. George was currently away, still in Corus. She had arrived back at the Swoop without waiting for George after her fight with Jonathan and Wyldon. But that was not the cause of her manor of dress.

Her brother was.

She missed him ever so much, and knew that she could _never_ forget him, nor ever give up her grief of him. He was her missing half, part of her soul, part of her life, and most of all--part of her heart. She had kept her eternal mourning from George, Jonathan, Gary, Raoul, Geoffrey, Sacherell, Douglass, and most of her other friends, or else they would have been seriously concerned about her. And she wasn't sure she could deal with all that sympathy and concern.

It was nice to feel cared about, but sometimes their best intentions confined her. They made her want to scream and run....

_Memory hit_....

_Alanna ran into the woods, peasant skirt tearing. She was crying as she ran. She couldn't stand her life anymore. She was running to the small abandoned house in the woods that she and her brother had marked as their hideaway--as their safe haven._

_She ran into the house, and flung herself onto the mattress of blankets and pillows she and her brother had brought up with them once. She cried herself into exhaustion, and soon fell asleep from her tears_...

Alanna moaned softly and felt the tears run down her face. "Kedesh'a..." she moaned, sitting on the window seat, crying as if everything she held dear was gone.

Unknown to Alanna, a small shadow watched as she cried, and slipped out just as quietly as he had slipped in...


	2. Chapter 1

The Secret of Trebond

By Jaelawyn Noble

* * *

This is dedicated to my friends, Jenni, Amber, and Linz, who have helped me through so much by just being there to talk. *shrugs* Suicide, depression, this stuff is never really mentioned in Tortall. Is Tammy trying to tell us that it never happens? *shakes head slowly* My recent deep seriousness [*holds up two fingers in the Peace fashion and tilts her head to the side, smiling with one eye close [_Sailor Moon/Slayers pose_]*] has caused me to write this So, I hope you all enjoy this little tale. Please don't flame me for some of the content. As you can tell, most of my tales are getting serious and melancholy. _**TOUGH**_! if ya don't like it.....

* * *

Alanna fell the floor of her room, crying as if she'd lost everything dear to her in the world. Her dress fell off her shoulders, and the blood slowly dribbled down her back. The pain was almost unbearable. How could she have been so _careless_ to let her Father catch her?

Thom inched into the room, watching his sister, who was weeping on the floor. "Anna?" he asked softly, using the nickname he had for her.

She looked up, tears spilling from her eyes. "Oh Thom!" she cried out. "I've really done it this time!" Thom went to his sister, gathering her in his arms, hushing her tears.

"What did you do, 'Anna?"

Alanna's small body shook with tears. "I-I-I-I…." She sobbed, unable to speak anymore. Thom held her, letting her cry herself to sleep.

"Oh, 'Anna," he muttered, picking her up and putting her into bed. "If you could only leave off running off like a wild child. If only you could do things as Father wanted just once."

* * *

Alanna gazed off into the distance. She had been watching her children play when memory caught her. She wasn't aware that George was watching her until he touched her arm.

She yelped, and twirled, skirt slapping against her bare ankles. She saw his dancing eyes and hit his arm.

"Ow!" he cried, laughing. "What was that for?"

"For watching me! You…. Brute!" Alanna cried out. Thom watched his parents, and smiled. All was right for the moment.

Alianne glared at her brother and threw leaves at him. "Five years old, and you _still_ haven't learned!" Thom laughed, tackling her into a huge pile of leaves.

Alanna laughed at the children and felt George's arms around her, protective and strong. She sighed, her joy gone. Could she ever be completely herself? Be completely honest?

She doubted it.

* * *

Alanna woke up, looking through the white silk hanging of her bed to the drag tapestries in her bedroom. Each one showed signs of ladylike behavior. An annoying reminder that she was female, expected to be a lady, and marry and have lots of children. She snorted, drew the hangings closed on her bed, and went back to sleep. Her back still hurt, and had begun to bleed through her dress. She sighed and turned over so that she lay on her stomach.

Soon enough she slept.

When she awoke again, Thom sat on her bed. A pipe was in his hands, and he was about to play when he saw her eyes flicker open. He put the flute down on the table beside the bed.

"You better now?" he asked, looking at his sister with worry. Alanna looked at him with a sigh and shook her head. "Pain?" She nodded. He smiled shyly and put his cold hands on her back. She winced, but knew that if Thom didn't heal her, the wounds could become infected. And she was not exactly happy with that idea.

Warm magic flew into her cuts and spine. She wiggled a bit with the pain and unease and settled down.

When Thom was done healing his sister's poor, battered skin, he looked at her, waiting for thanks. To his amusement, Alanna had fallen asleep sometime when he had begun to heal her. He pulled the blankets over her small, thin body and picked the pipe up, playing a soft, flowing tune of melancholy.

* * *

Alanna watched as Alan climbed the short tree in the meadow, and grab leaves, and throw them down on his siblings' heads. Alanna smiled as Thom mock-shook a fist at him and yelled something that was probably not something nice, as Alianne and Alan burst into laughter and giggles.

"Don't you wish we could join them?" George asked softly, kissing Alanna's neck.

"Hmm... Well... Now that you mention it," Alanna said, eyes twinkling with mischief.

He looked at her. "Your serious?"

Alanna's smile broadened. "Catch me if you can!" she cried out, running down the hill. She laughed and let out a whoop of joy as George tackled her and they fell into a pile of leaves. George smiled and kissed her as they laid in the leaves, and as more leaves fell around them.

The children laughed and jumped into the pile of leaves with their parents, ending their kiss.

George laughed and helped Alanna up, as Alianne hit the back of her mother's legs, knocking Alanna into George's arms while Alianne fell on top of Thom.

Alanna's violet eyes sparkled with joy, but George noted that there was deep unhappiness and sadness in those violet eyes.

* * *

Alanna sat at the window seat. The windows of the twins' study were wide open, and she could hear the music drifting up from Trebond Village, and Alanna revealed in it.

She and her twin were never allowed to attend the commoners' festivals. If the truth be ever told, Alanna wished to go with all her heart. the music lifted her up and made her want to dance. To dance like a "heathen," as her father so nicely put it.

Thom slipped into the room and pulled her hand. She looked at him as he kept tugging. He smiled at her secretly and held a finger to his lips. She slid off the seat and let her brother pull her to the door.

She pushed it open and they clambered down the stairs, pushing the back garden door in Alanna's room open. Thom left his sister standing there as he turned back and shut the door softly, locking it, then pocketing the key. He ran back over to her and pulled her after him once more.

She followed, puzzled. When she tugged his arm to stop, he did. She looked at him, about to speak. he shook his head, putting a hand over her mouth. He lead her down to the village and they weaved their way to the village square.

When they got there, the music had changed to that of a jig. Thom leaned close to his sister and whispered, "Happy Birthday, 'Anna."


	3. Chapter 2

The Secret of Trebond

Part 2

By Jaelawyn Noble

* * *

This is dedicated to my friends, again. This might be the last part of _The Secret_. I want to thank Lunar Bard, Star, Sparrow, Daine, Rita, Lexi, Mage Melery,Lady Alijan, and to MerlayneQ for reviewing the first part so eagerly. If I get such energetic reviews for this part, I might continue this further. Though, I dunno how much I can twist Alanna and her childhood up. Though, she does strike me as the type who has a wicked past.

* * *

Alanna looked out, over the ocean and the cove. Dark clouds were moving in swiftly, carrying either rain or snow. Most likely the latter, as it was getting so cold.

George came over to her and wrapped his arms around her waist, kissing her neck softly. "What's wrong, my love?"

Alanna smiled, her hands on his hands, and head tilted to the side as so he could continue to kiss her. "Nothing is wrong, dearest. Should there be something wrong?"

George raised an eyebrow and kissed her neck softly. "Why are you brooding, then?"

"Whoever said I was brooding?" Alanna muttered, pulling away.

"I call looking off into nothingness brooding. What do you call it?" George asked, not quite snapping at her.

"I call it _thinking_!" Alanna said, temper coming close to snapping.

"What has been _with_ you lately?" George demanded. "Every time I ask if something's wrong or try and get close to you, you shove me away!"

Alanna half wilted at his harsh words. "George..." she whispered.

"What?" George asked bitterly.

"I was thinking about my past, all right?" Alanna said softly.

"Why?"

"I don't know. I just have so many questions... And not near enough answers." She went over to him and kissed him. "Please, George. Let's forget about this," she begged.

George nodded, relenting.

* * *

Thom sat in the window in Alanna's room, playing his pipe while his sister worked on some embroidery stitching. He had begun to notice her becoming very unhappy. Whatever he did seemed not to cheer her up at all. Not a single thing. Not playing pranks on the servants, or aggravating Father....

He stopped playing and Alanna looked up, extreme sadness in her eyes. 

"Why'd you stop playing?" Alanna asked, placing in another stitch and stopping.

"Are you all right?" asked Thom bluntly.

Alanna stiffened. "I'm fine, Thom. Only tired."

"Are you sure?" he asked, worried.

"Positive."

Thom watched her, knowing she was lying. He sighed, knowing he wouldn't get anything else out of her, and began to play again.

* * *

Alanna looked at the latest letter from Jon out of Corus. He just wouldn't give up, would he?

Her hand clenched around the paper and she hurled it into the fire, furious with him. How _dare_ he think that just because the girl was in, settled, and doing well that Alanna would come back up to Corus. She sighed and turned to the rest of her mail. Most of it was from her friends at Court and her family. Two were from Trebond - the monthly report on the fief's progress.

Alanna turned, intending to leave, when her arm hit a dusty leather-bound book that fell to the floor with a _thump_. She turned, and looked down at the thick book. It was well worn, and looked very much used. She frowned, and picked it up. Somehow, the book looked familiar.

She opened it up, and flipped through the pages. She began to read the pages, and cried out. Tears began to flow freely down her face as she fell to her knees, the book landing with a firm _thwap_ on the stone floor as Alanna sat sprawled on the floor, hair falling into her face, weeping.

She didn't see her son walk into the room, and didn't feel him there until he touched her shoulder lightly.

Alanna looked up, trying to get rid of her tears. Thom bit his lip and knelt down next to his mother, holding her hand.

"Why are you crying, Ma?" he asked, watching her with those innocent eyes of his.

"It's nothing," Alanna murmured, holding her son. He snuggled closer to her, murmuring something. Alanna smiled sadly, thinking of her "perfect" life as her son fell asleep in her lap. 

Here she was, living - vibrantly living - while the one who had always loved her, no matter what she did, or who she was, laid in a tomb and had been laying in a tomb for thirteen years. Alanna didn't try to stop the tears that began to flow freely, she let them flow in a fast flood. She didn't care much about anything, except about not waking her son. She didn't want him to worry about her.

* * *

Alanna gasped as Thom rubbed a Healing salve on to her shoulder. It was one large bruise. She had been caught be her father doing something she was forbidden and ended up getting slapped. Thom wondered how Alanna's face could be red from the smack, but her shoulder was one big bruise, and blood was trailing lightly down her back.

"`Anna, you have to stop."

"Stop what?" Alanna asked, gasping.

Thom shook his head and left. Three hours later, he heard her begin to weep. He was worried, very worried. Something deep inside himself told him that Alanna was not "all there" or "all sound" in her mind. He opened the door that connected their rooms and froze. 

Alanna had a dagger. And that dagger was close to her skin - too close for Thom's liking. And almost before his eyes, she drove the dagger closer to her wrists, crying the whole time. He stood there in shock as he saw crimson liquid drip down over her wrists and dibble onto the floor. Alanna was crying now, as much from pain as from fear and anguish.

"ALANNA!" Thom cried, snapping out of it.

Alanna sat there, shaking and crying as blood began to flow out of the wide horizontal cuts on her wrists and arms. The cuts were long, going the same way the big vein in her arm was going.

"Oh gods, no..." Thom cried in horror as he tried to stop the blood flow and couldn't. His weak Gift at Healing wasn't enough. "Help!" he cried out, trying to stop the blood with his own hands. "Coram!" Thom cried, hating himself for needing anyone's help with his sister. "_CORAM!"_ he cried again.

In a few seconds, Coram burst into the room, looking cross. "What?" he snapped, seeing the boy, but not Alanna, who was hidden by the chest she had hidden behind.

"Get Maude, now!"

"Why?" Coram asked crossly. "What are you hiding?" Only now did he notice that blood was spreading around the chest. He heard soft weeping and walker over, horrified to see Alanna and the blood that was pouring from her wrists. "Oh gods..." he whispered. He ran out at almost a breakneck speed and pounded on Maude's door.

The Healer didn't answer quick enough for Coram's tastes. When she _finally_ opened the door, Coram grabbed her hand and ran - half dragging her. He explained why he was dragging her out in the "middle of the night" and heard her gasp and run as fast as she could.

They burst into the room, and didn't hear anything except Thom's cries. Maude pushed Coram aside and went to Alanna, magic surrounding her hands. She Healed Alanna's wrists first, and then began to try and wake her. The girl didn't move. Thom cried out in agony.

"NO!" he cried out, tears falling heavily. The cry sounded like it had been _ripped_ out of his raw throat. "No...." he cried. "_NO!"_ he practically shrieked, pounding on Alanna's chest. "No! I won't have you leave me! No! No... no.... no..." he cried.

Maude sympathized for the lad. He had lost his mother, his father never even showed him love, and the only one who had loved him - and who he loved with all his _being_ - was dying. And the poor lad most likely blamed himself.

Maude grabbed his hand. "Give me your strength," she hissed at him. He sniffed, not understanding. His hand shook in her tight hold. "Give me your strength and we might be able to save her!"

That was all the prompting Thom needed. He shoved his magic and strength into Maude. She, in turn, began to blast Alanna's heart into restarting. Maude blasted her a second time, and heard a weak gasp from the almost lifeless form in Thom's lap.

"Alanna?" Thom gasped. Her eyes fluttered open, though she was very weak. The puddle of blood was wide and very dark.

"Thom...." she murmured weakly, and then drifted off.

"No..." he whispered. "No... 'Anna, come back..." 

"She's fine," Maude said, getting up. "She just needs to rest. Give her here, boy." 

Thom looked at her with deep mistrust. He stood up, carrying Alanna's frail, thin body.

"Give her to me," Maude said.

"No," Thom snapped, beginning to become like ice. "Where ever you're putting her, I'll take her there. I'm not leaving her _ever_ again!"

Maude sighed, and nodded. She pointed to Alanna's bed, and Thom placed her there carefully, then climbed into her bed with her.

"Don't you think you should change your clothes?" Maude asked. Thom looked down and blushed. "I'll change Alanna. Go into your room and change."

"No," Thom snapped. "I'm not leaving her."

Maude sighed. "Coram, go get Thom something to sleep in. Please," she added softly. Coram sighed and did as he was bid. Maude went over to Alanna's wardrobe and got out a large shirt. She began to undress Alanna's limp form as Thom ducked behind Alanna's changing screen to change his blood-soaked clothes. He came back, and glared at Maude, then made sure Alanna was still there.

"Leave," he hissed at the two servants. They stared at him. "I issued an order. _Leave_." The two stared at each other, then back at Thom and left, in benumbed shock. Thom crawled into Alanna's bed, and hugged his sister's cold body. "I'll never leave you, Alanna. _Never_...."

* * *

Alanna watched her sons and daughter play. She had found out only yesterday that she and George were expecting another baby - more accurately, twins. Alanna rubbed her arms, and felt the scars she still had on her arms. She traced the scar on her left wrist with the tip of an ice cold finger.

George came up to her and held her. "Are you _sure_ your all right?" George asked, worried.

Alanna nodded. "I think I will be."

"You think?"

Alanna smiled sadly at her husband. "Who ever is completely okay? After all... We're only mortal. We're never happy with our lives."

George held her. "Oh, Alanna," he whispered and kissed her, a hand on her stomach. "Please stop being so sad."

Alanna smiled as Thom ran over to them. His hazel eyes were bright with joy. "Mama! Come join us!"

Alanna laughed and enveloped Thom in a hug. "Oh, my dear. What ever would I do without you?"

"I dunno. Come play!" he giggled as Alanna began to tickle him. "Hey!" he laughed the laugh of a joyous child. "No fair!" he squealed and laughed as Alan and Alianne caught onto the game and tried to even the score against their parents....


End file.
